the blog: tag= life

Todo

Date: 5/08/2008 09:31:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: I started a brand spankin' new consulting gig w/ zvents.com this week. Folks are cool, laid back and the office is less than a mile away.

M' boss and I took a walk 'round the block and he asked about full-time employment. Frankly, I don't know what I want career-wise. I don't want to commit to a company if I don't know what I truly want; thus, contracting short-term gigs are good enough.

During interviews, I would tell folks bout m' carrer path, "I dunno. I'll probably be outta tech in 3-5 years." Maybe that's why I don't advance in some interview processes =) If so, then I'd learn to be less truthful and sell m'self better .... uhhh, yeah.

Seriously, I don't know what I want to do. In the past eight weeks of underemployment, I've enjoyed an active and stress-free time-off, enjoying the fun of casual hacking, reading graphic novels (and real ones), swimming and spending time w/ friends. It's been real hard to resell m' soul back to work and the 'urgency' of everything in Silicon Valley.

Well, until I get a clue, I shouldn't fret it and continue to smile at the sun and dip m' tongue in the pudding. Mmmm, tastes good!
Labels: career, life
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Accepting nothing

Date: 3/01/2008 03:29:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: When I say that I am satisfied w/ doing nothing, I mean that I am learning to do nothing. I've always felt that, as a society, we've all been taught to seek accomplishment, that there is always a goal to achieve. Action items are your friends.

I just wanna kick back and relax. Of course, I won't fully decompress, but I'll put less pressure on m'self to need to get something done .... and just do things w/o thinking about it first.

Ahh, we'll see .... hard to teach an ol' dawg new tricks =)
Labels: life
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Happiness

Date: 1/28/2008 04:02:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080124132506.htm

I think I'm a 7.5 out of 10, always keeping expectations low and when things go well, I can appreciate it w/ a smirk. Doesn't mean that I'm unhappy either. I've been through the peaks and deepest dips and flying steady, away from the extremes, and, yeah, much easier ....
Labels: happiness, life, philosophy
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Amongst the ugly

Date: 1/27/2008 08:55:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Often, I like to blog about the Jessica Alba or Natalie Portman, as beaus of m' life. It's all in good fun and I hope folks don't actually believe I'm so enraptured by 'em.

I live in the dark and have always looked upwards from the bottom. So, lavishing celebrities and recognizing their beauty amidst the flurry of a chaotic daily life brings me calm.

Paul from Beautiful Girls:
Supermodels are beautiful girls, Will. A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man - promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be okay. The supermodels, Willy? That's all they are. Bottled promise. Scenes from a brand new day. Hope dancing in stiletto heels.
=)
Labels: beauty, jessicaalba, life, natalieportman
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It's not fair.

Date: 1/02/2008 12:48:00 AM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: It's been a bizaare past seven days. M' furnace has been out for a week, and as I mentioned before, m' friend's baby sister is deceased. The latter has been swirling in m' head, taunting me, dispelling everything I thought I learned about life. It's just not fair.

The youngest of three, she graduated from Northwestern's seven year Medical School program, recently doing her residency program at her pa's (father is a doctor) hospital, until police discovered her body in the park, a knife protruding from her chest. No more details, because it's not my story to tell. I guess I wanted to cry, but it's not in m' nature anymore. I've embraced the Malcolm Reynolds (see Firefly series) persona, his rhyme-and-reason, a wee bit too hard. Actually, most of m' thoughts are of vengeance and retribution. Bad, I know. Ack, too much ....

Rest in peace, little one.
Labels: death, life
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It's a new year thing.

Date: 12/31/2007 10:36:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Fried chicken, cole slaw, Mallrats, Blood Simple and a bottle of red.

So which is it: the proper way to end the year, or perfect for beginning another?

Both =) Happy new one folks!
Labels: life
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It's not funny.

Date: 12/28/2007 11:01:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: M' best friend's little sister is deceased and not accidentally. I've known her since grade school to graduating medical school to now. Ask me again about m' cynical view of life and I'll punch you squarely between the eyes.

Life ain't so fun or funny anymore.
Labels: death, life
Comments

"How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?"

Date: 12/17/2007 11:33:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Ever been in a fight? I have and I've gotten m' ass whooped. Many, many times. Mostly during m' college days; I hung around w/ not-so-nice peeps. Hee hee. Back way when, I weighed 30 lbs. lighter than I am now. Yeah, it frackin' hurt. One time, some frat boy whacked me on the forehead. Fortunately, m' hair grew long enough to cover the hideous bump. Twasn't pretty.

It is an experience, one that every male should endure. Like losing your virginity.

"I want you to hit me as hard as you can."
Labels: life
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Lookin' back at '07 and forward to '08

Date

12/16/2007 04:15:00 PM [permalink]

Author

yahooza

Entry

It's halfway through December, so let's check out the highlights of the past year:

Hmm, the '07 campaign's been fairly uneventful. No weddings, no traveling. No concerts, nothing memorable at all. Nothing worthy noting about work either, other than joining the Intl Tiger Team and meeting cool and friendly peeps. It's been a dud year after an incredible '06 of Answers, Bookmarks and del.icio.us. How frackin' lame has it been? Very.

Ohhhhh, I'm sooooo looking forward to the new year. I've done as much as George W. Bush as president this year—barely anything.

The '08 will be unlike years prior being an election year and recession rearing its ugly head 'round the corner. I can't control it all, but I can absolve myself to resolutions:

Get a full-time gig (duh)
I'm not gonna promise m'self that I will get me a gal, because it hasn't worked. Let the chips fall as they may....
Cool it a little more. I have a temper sometimes.
Laugh a little less. Yes, I'll try to be a tad more serious when the situation requires it. I make light of things waaaay too often. I know that it annoys ppl.
Travel: to Chicago in the Springtime, Comic-con (San Diego) in the summer, Thailand in early winter for m' cousin's wedding.

That's a good list of easy and probable goals. Should be a dandy '08. Cheers.

Labels: life

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Intramarriage action items?

Date: 12/15/2007 11:28:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Holly commented on the movie relationships entry: "... real relationships take lots of work, aren't always easy, are more about Partnership than Love ..."

Just one thing to add .... methinks that marriage has become a partnership partly due to how rather busy and complex the American lifestyle has become. I reckon life five decades ago was a bit simpler: eat, sleep, pray, rinse and repeat. Nowadays, everyone loves to choose and to indulge in every fantasy while balancing an overbooked workday and later-night party life. Books, mags, advertisements bombard one's frail psyche w/ all sorts of devilish vices and temptations, thrusting fear to your insecurities. All these factors disassemble a person, what do you think it does to the bonds between a relationship? It might, it might not.

Deep down it's all about love. Then, maybe, life would be simpler and a tad easier.

Then again, I could be completely wrong.
Labels: life, philosophy, relationships
Comments: 2 +add yours

The Last Kiss

Date: 12/11/2007 08:30:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: I'm a big Paul Haggis fan. Million Dollar Baby. Crash. the Black Donnelleys. Obviously, I had to rent The Last Kiss.

Even though a friend dubbed it a chick flick, it's not really one of those. It doesn't follow that same romantic comedy story formula and the plot wasn't predictable at all. In the end, I believe none of the characters fully redeemed themselves.

I enjoy character-driven story arcs (Buffy, Firefly, Carnivale), so it was easy to enjoy and I did very much. The film centers on relationships, their fragility, difficulty, etc. The actors stumble w/ the main problems of most dissolving relationships: trust and communication. You can have one or the other, but to build a solid bond, you gotta have both.

The film examines the step from engagement to marriage (lead characters), just married and parenting an infant and, lastly, surviving a thirty year marriage. Many people focus on the happy in a relationship. Chemistry, good sex, common interests and goals, status, etc. That's fine and dandy, though some mistake marriage as a continuation of that relationship. I agree w/ the film that it's not that simple. It's less sexy, less flowers, less chocolates, compromises, understanding, and most importantly requires lots of trust and communication. Two do become one in the ultimate union of 'em all. Heh heh.

Another theme of the film is the various crisis of life's journey, hitting those age milestones and "how far along you are or where you should be in the grand scheme." I guess we all put markers in all chapters of our lifetime, especially the first two decades.

I wonder too when my day will come. I'm still young, relishing life in my early thirties, but I do yearn for more. Wife, kids, the whole white-picket fences. I do sometimes envy my friends' babies; even all the stories of handling poo and being barfed on =) When the day comes, it will.

And all this comes from a man whose longest relationships have been a matter of months. Meaning: read this w/ a grain of salt or however that goes.
Labels: film, life, relationships
Comments: 1 +add yours

Success

Date

12/10/2007 07:59:00 PM [permalink]

Author

yahooza

Entry

Friends have asked what I believed the secret sauce is to living life and how I cook it =) I'm not insinuating a successful, flawless life so far, but rather feeling satisfied and content. It hasn't been easy and I've been through lotsa shit, but I can't complain too much. Looking back, I wanna say I wouldn't change anything, but it really fuckin' sucked .... hee hee.

Money is important especially within a Capitalist society, but I wanna start with the individual, family, friends, persons, relationships: the social aspect of being.

Surround yourself w/ good people. Not positive persons who can tell you that "your day will come" and to "keep your chin up", but those that encourage and understand you. Those who listen and hold your hand during those awkward times are those who you keep near. They might not be your closest friends but are extremely invaluable. Almost as important as your family.

Keep bad influences away. Anyone who drags you down emotionally or mentally, let 'em go. Nicely tell 'em to fuck off. Does that person make you smile, encourage you to be more, make you happy when you see 'em? No, then cut that cord and quit wasting your time with frivolous people.

80% of your friends aren't really your friends. I made that number up. Nonetheless, don't confuse yourself w/ transient friendships. That's why you should appreciate the aforementioned "good" persons around you, including your family.

Be a good person. I always remind my friends, "good things happen to good people." Luck and fortune also seem to fall to those same people. If you give shit, you probably will get the same. Ask Dick Cheney. Well, somewhat.

What people say, don't take it too personally. You're gonna hear lots of things about you within your lifetime. Like 80% of your "friends", the majority of it is crap. Believe in yourself, not what people say. Give weight using the same "keep the good, boot the bad" filter.

Laugh. A lot. I do it often. I tease my friends, making fun of myself to keep things balanced. Life's too short not to enjoy the little things in life, most of which should end in a smile or chuckle. It doesn't mean that I goof off all time. Those who have worked w/ me know how intense I can be =) That was ironically funny. I think.

Be comfortable with yourself. I told a friend that I am weird, an oddball, eccentric in my own ways—happy and semi proud of it. I am, also, quite normal for that same reason. That does make sense. Really.

Don't submerge yourself too deep into consumerism. Granted, it has good points, pacifying the general population leading to less crime and greater tolerance, but it is also a parasite to your insecurities. I don't really think a person has any weaknesses—as the advertisements say. No one is perfect and no one should tell you that you're not. Apply the above "keep bad things away" principle: ahh phooey, fuck it all.

Alright, I'm tapped out. I'll ponder more and maybe scribble some more shit.

That was kinda fun!

Labels: life, philosophy

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For Our Parents - Who Gave Us Everything

Date: 12/07/2007 12:46:00 AM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: I just finished The Namesake. It's an incredible tale spanning two generations from living in the "old country" to the land of opportunity. American kids of immigrant parents will enjoy the story of family, hope, cultural differences, importance, understanding, life, etc.

It revolves around an Indian family, but you can transplant any Asian culture. Trust me, it fits and it's all about you =P

Simply, imagine man and wife emigrating from the motherland w/ a couple of bucks in their hand to America, tolerating the racial inequalities to send their children to private schools and send dollars back to their third-world relatives. The kids, on the other hand, struggle with their own identity, wavering between past generation tradition and the need to "fit in." Sound familiar? =) Heh heh. There's much more to it, but that's the base that struck me most.

So, all you kids, myself included, who have battled whether you are: Asian, American, Asian-American, or whatever, this is a film to watch and discuss.

It even made me tear a bit =)
Labels: life
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Ode to lederhosen

Date: 11/28/2007 12:00:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: At one of m' consulting gigs, I work w/ funny, happy-go-luck German Stanford PhD student. He handles the backend, whilst I wrangle the frontend, communicating via RESTful services.

From time to time, he tells snippets of his trip 'round the world, in which he and his buddy planned a vacation to the States (New York specifically), but ended up shredding their return tickets. I can't retell stories which aren't mine; however, he and his friend encountered plenty of odd characters traveling form NY to Texas, Los Angeles, SF, north to Seattle, up to Alaska, cross-continent to Siberia, through Moscow and Poland and finally back to his little town in Germany. Seven months of the most random, funniest happenings that could happen to a pair of early twenty-somethings.

I tell him to blog his stories, or even better, write a book of his misadventures. I must say, he's one cool mutha. I only wish I could be as brave and cool as him.

I took a short trip recently, before I met m' Deutsch friend. I had the same idea, a Kerouac-inspired excursion to experience the randomness of life. It wasn't even close to being anything special, but I did realize that m' life is different and that me, myself and i can't and won't do the nutty shit of a decade ago. I'm more than settled and content; what makes me smile and invigorated w/ life is different, and yet just as stimulating.

So, til he publishes his book, take my word, he's quite the character and a wonderful human being, too.
Labels: life
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Addictive

Date: 11/13/2007 10:19:00 AM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: HBO released a documentary titled Addiction. I haven't seen ....

I really wished the series, and maybe midday talk shows, explored the psychology behind addiction beyond booze and drugs. Sex, consumerism, working, sports, etc. Addiction has a negative connotation, though (IMHO) it's a pattern within the human behavioural framework. We, as homosapiens, gravitate, lust, yearn for comfort, convenience and in America's "me and more" culture, instant gratification.

And companies are picking up on this behaviour, offering packaged solutions for all your 'single-servin' needs. All you need to do is spend.

From Fight Club:
"Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.
Imagine if you viewed people as 'single-servin'? How fucked up would that be? How about product managers that view me as a 'single-servin' code monkey to complete a task? Hee hee =)

Anyways, I wish the news and/or media would look at the bigger picture rather than sensationalize the bad in our culture.
Labels: life, perspective
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Looks

Date: 11/04/2007 11:35:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/10/09/the-economics-of-gold-di
http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/11....econ....sugar-dad....

I never knew career aspirations include being a sugar darling. Actually, a trophy wife (the Eva Longoria character in Desp. Housewives) fits the job description.

Honestly ladies, listen carefully. Yes, guys love the big chests, thin waists and bumpin' bootys. Hell, it's ALL over television, magazines, film, etc. And I'm not counting pornography. And yep, guys will drool and throw their best to get to know ya, but it's only to get between yer legs. Plastic chests heaving against a tight top and an ass crack peerin' through low-cut jeans will only get you so much quality.

You want marriage material (since a lot of y'all complain bout it)? Then act smart, cordial, whatever. Be yourself, attract the guys you want and leave the 'Girls Gone Wild' dreams behind.

Garbage in and garbage out. I don't mean the people you meet, but rather the relationships that form. Keep it real.

Okay, gotta lay off the booze.
Labels: life, perspective, relationships
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Photos binge

Date: 10/25/2007 10:51:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: I've been living in nostalgia for the last coupla days. I scanned college pics and tonight, some family pics, specifically m' brother and me. I also have some decade old shots of yers truly lowrockin', breakin' to the oldies. I am truly embarrassed of those photos, and you know it's damn hard to make me blush like that. They will never be published to the web =)

If you're "friend" or "family" on Flickr, you can take a gander at the other pics.
Labels: life, photos
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Simply movin'

Date: 10/19/2007 12:39:00 AM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Two days ago, I drove 'round the Bay Area. 450+ miles later, I returned home, exhausted from the long day and the crazed California drivers when it rains.

I didn't expect much from the trip. I wanted to do anything to leave the monotony of the past few months. I played on the beach for a couple of hours, wading in the water, kicking sand at the tide.

I realized that there was nothing to realize. I was not running from anything nor was I running towards some goal. Everything that I needed and wanted was back at home. So, I went back, only losing direction halfway between the Bay Area and So Cal =)

I did a lot running during my twenties. Chicago to SF, back to Chicago, west again to LA, and most recently, back to the Bay Area. I'm fairly settled now. No more running and less and less questioning. Maybe it's because I've found a way to make my life simpler.

Afterwards, I watched Fight Club for the thousandth time. For me, the film tells a dark, cynical story on material society and figuratively saving ourselves.
Tyler: "Do you know what a 'duvet' is?"
Jack: "It's a comforter ...."
Tyler : "It's a blanket. Just a blanket."
Keep it simple, to make things easier.
Labels: life
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Desperate Housewives

Date: 10/15/2007 04:58:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.h....
"The women who use this website want romance, but these three meetings seemed utterly unromantic to me."
Wow, how disturbing.

Has sex become the latest in consumer addictions? Cigarettes, heroin, television, sugary snacks and now a good ol' fuck. The wives hungering for love and affection boot their computers for a hot ride w/ a complete stranger, hoping to fill that void, whatever that may be.

Yes, an orgasm can be the instant cure-all for that brief moment, but it doesn't stop the pain much like a shot of Jack or Jose. Is it true that females use sex to gain love (generalizing right now)? Well, in this case, these women seem to think so, accepting adultery as a necessary evil to rejuvenate their lackluster lives.

Hmm, is this the equivalent of the male midlife crisis? If men found absence in their marriage, what would they do? Sports, poker, horse-racing? Porn,sticky-floored triple-x theaters and rent-by-the-half-hour whores? Yeah, probably all of the above ....

So, the main traffic of the interweb is smutty, sexy schtuffs. Porn, casual encounters and ultimately to "get off." Hmm, could this be what Yahoo means by Social Search?

Eww, how sad the world is.
Labels: life, philosophy
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Shruggin'

Date: 10/12/2007 09:50:00 AM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: For those who've asked (and read this blog), I don't know where I'm going. There ain't no next gig, until there is =)

I'm just looking forward to time-off. Home improvements, exercise, shopping for a laptop, a road trip perhaps, etc. I enjoy a semi-structured lifestyle. The mortgage and impending property tax bill keep me on the paved path, but I'm gonna live mine the way I wanna (I think). In the end, I surely won't look back and wonder, "I should have planned m' short-term goals better."
Labels: life
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Lean on me

Date: 10/10/2007 03:55:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: http://www.caterina.net/archive/001081.html
"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are -- chaff and grain together -- certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. --George Eliot"
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so single.
Labels: life
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Big brotha

Date: 9/17/2007 12:36:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: This article makes me a bit frightened of the internet.

- http://www.radaronline.com...google_fiction_evil_danger...

Human beings have a tough enough time thinking critically. Ever wonder why most public debates revolve around absolutes? Republican vs. Democrats? Red vs. Blue? Universal Healthcare vs. Socialized Medicine? Freedom vs. Terrorism? Good vs. Evil? Light vs. Darkness?

Imagine if computers profiled an individual based on their internet behaviour? Will people, living the binary, completely accept or deny?

Should the type of targeted ads served to a particular person define a person? Or how 'bout the blog entry that I'm writing at this moment. Scary. It's not just the Big G, but also Y! and AOL, Comcast, AT&T and all the interested interweb advertising platforms that collect your browsing history, online purchases and search queries.

I wonder if I can run applications on my local server instead of web-based tools to ease m' paranoia.

It could be a brave new world soon. No it won't. I'm hoping not.
Labels: life, privacy, web2.0
Comments: 1 +add yours

Infidel

Date: 9/10/2007 08:23:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Hmm, odd things happen. If you've a boyfriend, serious or not though monogamous, don't think that "things will happen." I may be attracted to you and I AM a flirt, but I won't allow myself to become the bad guy. I've never cheated on a girlfriend, albeit most of the relationships has been short. Only once did I "befriend" a lady who had a significant other; she told me afterwards. Not one of proudest moments.

Infidelity is a big no-no because karma's a frackin' bitch. And the ensuing Jerry Springer drama .... it's enough =)
Labels: ethics, life
Comments: 2 +add yours

I jump around

Date: 8/30/2007 09:52:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Occasionally, I re-read my blog posts and I wonder: what the hell was my point? I either have a short attention span or one too many parallel processes firing. It's a shame that I can't upgrade to a Core 2 Duo. I know only one person that can balance multiple conversations concurrently: Tom Chi. He's one brilliant and fascinating character.

Must breathe slower, medidate more regularly.

What was I saying? Go! Go! Go! Wha?
Labels: life
Comments: 1 +add yours

Job suckin'

Date: 8/30/2007 01:28:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: http://johnplaceonline.com/stress-management/the-1-reason-your-job-su

Mine doesn't suck. It's not awesome either. The good: I work w/ super smart folks who want to shape the progression of the interweb. The bad: Bureaucracy, egos, commute, the usual.

Nothing's perfect, so I try to shrug at the little things.

And that's why I'm still here at Y!. I've not had a job over two years, so this is new territory. I've learned that the majority, if not all, companies have their share of troubles and that the grass is greener elsewhere. Y! is a great place to work, I just hope that ship is righted. I'm eagerly waiting for the 100 days of Jerry (our new CEO). I reckon it'll conclude end of September .... then we'll see where work takes me ....

Back to the article, i think I've climbed the pyramid. It's not the end of line, but reaching that point has given me a broad understanding of living: lots of bullshit out there, don't take any or give any of it and worrying about what other people say is really stoopid. Each pyramid level is a different aspect of a person's life: financially, socially, personally, etc. So, in a sense, this pyramid can be also be applied against the rigors of living, eh? =)
Labels: life, philosophy
Comments: 0 +add yours

Who cares?

Date: 8/10/2007 08:17:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Gore Vidal visited the Henry Rollins show and said (paraphrasing), "one day, the people will rise w/ anger at the atrocities of our politicians." Something like that =)

I really want to believe that. As long as folks can gorge at buffets, bop to their iPods and live it up lavishly in Vegas, there's not much grumblin' that's gonna happen. Seriously, the States has much more than a plethora of nations and Americans shouldn't complain, right?

It's human nature to complain. So are the liberals just griping or is it a legitimate complaint that our education and healthcare programs plain out suck? The same lefties claim that the right keep poor folks uneducated, to keep them poor. I think they (the corporations, the aristocrats) just don't have enough financial incentives to help w/ social problems. ROI: return on investment. When money can be made, then they'll give a fuck.

As long as US citizens remain docile, complacent with their 500 channel satellite systems, Nintendo Wiis and grande non-fat soy lattes, I doubt anyone will start doubting our government and the corrupted system we Americans live in.

Or it could be me watching too many lefty, independent shows. I must fair and balance myself =)
Labels: life, politics
Comments: 1 +add yours

Nothing changes, really.

Date: 7/19/2007 09:39:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Fight Club premiered in Fall 1999. Almost one decade later, cultural behaviour hasn't changed a bit. I guess we still fancy the shiny objects and the little things that make us giggle. Hee hee, how cute! Hee hee.
"We're consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra ... Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all going down, man. So fuck off with your sofa units and Strinne green stripe patterns."

Man, I'm dying for an iPhone.
Labels: consumerism, life
Comments: 0 +add yours

Serenity

Date: 7/17/2007 10:58:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Life is calm. It's great to feel in more control. Since leaving the Answers project, I've had more time to do anything without worry. During school days, I can leave at 6pm and get shit done during w/o interruption. And I don't need to work weekends. Imagine that, being paid the same and not have to work two extra days. Hmm, somehow that doesn't add up.
Labels: career, life
Comments: 0 +add yours

Just live it.

Date

6/12/2007 03:33:00 PM [permalink]

Author

yahooza

Entry

http://www.bspcn.com/2007/05/22/10-simple-ways..../

"Life is like a box of chococates." Some simpleton character said that once. If only it were as sweet and simple. Maybe it can be?

I enjoyed this blog entry on self, you, me and the rest of frackin' world. It is a perspective that I've learned years past amidst my turmolous twenties. I thought a lot, analyzing and "figuring it out." In the end, I learned that life ain't so hard unless you make it so. And all that thinking? A waste of time =)

Here are some excerpts that I found interesting and what I took from it:

"How you feel is how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking, or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of either .... People are always telling themselves how they feel, what they’re thinking, what others feel about them, what this or that event really means. Most of it’s imagination."

Stop thinking so hard, you'll pop a vein. Don't follow whatever makes you feel good, especially if it's a consumer addiction. Things are what they seem. You don't need to embellish it any further.
"Judging yourself is pointless. Judging others is half-witted."

I am nothing special. You are just as special, meaning you're not. I have become more cognizant of those who put down others to make themselves feel better. Shame, shame, stop being a jerk.
"Stop being concerned (with) what the rest of the world says about you"

Most people don't give a moose's gonads about you. Live it up like Paris, but don't end up in jail.

"Don’t be concerned that your life and career aren't working out the way you planned. The closer you stick to any plan, the quicker you'll go wrong. The world changes constantly."

A job is a job. Enjoy it, though do not think it's the end of the world when corporations go awry -- and they will. Life is the same. Nothing's perfect, good things happen and then shit does as well.
"Don’t let others use you to avoid being responsible for their own decisions. To hold yourself responsible for someone else’s success and happiness demeans them and proves you’ve lost the plot."

Stop meddling in other people's lives. Leave 'em alone and let 'em live. Also, lots and lots of people believe they can change the world, only because they don't like themselves and avoid confronting personal demons. It's never me, so it must be something else.

Stop wondering. Quit worrying. It's all in your head and then some. Just live.

Labels: life, philosophy

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The price is right. Right now, that is.

Date: 5/22/2007 10:59:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: http://www.techcrunch.com/2007/05/22/silicon-valley-could-u....

Michael Arrington of Techcrunch fame scribed a short one on the state of Silicon Valley. Everyone and their mother (including mine) moves to the area for dreams of hitting it big. Startups at your left, feuding tech giants grapplin' on the right (along the 101).

Yes, lots of stress and always pressure to succeed. When you work w/ super duper smart peeps, you're always on. It's a madhouse and it never stops. Product managers push for more and more features, so media agents like Techcrunch can spread the word. Any news is good news, right?

I grew up in Chicago, a 'slower' environment where middle-class folks appreciated their earnings and celebrated the four seasons. Here, and probably Los Angeles as well, there's a lot of rich folks. The gap is widening (from what I've read and heard) and the American dream seems to shine less brightly ....

You can, too, own a 1.2 million dollar 3 bedroom single-family home in the burbs. M' parents put 45% down on their first house, their combined annual earnings equaling their mortgage. Mine is ~4 times my yearly. I don't like those numbers.

The Web 2.0 buzz reminds me of Hollywood. Big network studios duking it out, small-time actors building their names (No, Youtube ain't Lindsey Lohan), PR extravaganzas, parties, events, conferences, etc. Yes, things are happening, the economy churns, but it seems there follows a pretentious blanket of ego over the decadent lifestyles of the Valley kin. It all seems so unreal.

Of course, I am focusing on the lean side of Cali life, so don't flame.

I do miss the Midwest and its simpler way of life. It's not my time to leave yet, but one day, I will miss this place.

Oh well, at least it's sunny outside. Everyday.
Labels: life, philosophy, siliconvalley
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Strengths Finder

Date

5/20/2007 03:54:00 PM [permalink]

Author

yahooza

Entry

As part of the corporate standards of excellence (I just made that up), I finished plowing through Strengths Finder 2.0 and finished the online assessment program.

After seconds of computational wizardry, I've learned my five core strengths:

Individualization
Learner
Responsibility
Intellection
Relator

Buy, borrow, rent the book for better definitions.

I had hoped for super speed, x-ray vision and the abilty to fly. Oh well.

Labels: life

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It's not that big o' deal.

Date: 5/16/2007 07:19:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: When I mention coffee or any "let's get together" talk to the ladies, does it automatically mean that I am interested or hitting on them? Seriously, no fair. I've even asked married and deeply-committed women w/ no intention of any hanky-panky. It's just to hang out, because, frankly, cruisin' w/ the homies, drinkin', smokin' and mackin' on the dames on a Friday night gets real old.

Maybe I'm repulsive.
Labels: life
Comments: 0 +add yours

Green

Date: 5/15/2007 02:24:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Update: Back to black. The green is making me nauseous.

I've decided to jump on the bandwagon and greenerize yahooza.com via my JavaScript header (see above).

Yes, this may sound rather cynical and I don't intend it to be. The media extrapolates colors as social initiatives — red: fight against AIDs, green: go planet Earth! .... I hope I am not completely downplaying the green efforts, as there is much, much goodness deep down ....

Perhaps, I am projecting because of other aspects in this outlandish world.
Labels: green, life
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Why marry?

Date: 5/08/2007 04:36:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Since college, I've been a lean-on guy for advice in relationships and love. Ironically, I've never held a relationship for more than two months in my ENTIRE life. I just have a knack for listening and I enjoy social psychology, analyzing people and their relationships; I reckon that's why ppl ask yers truly for an opinion. Suckas.

At the last wedding I attended, the groom's older brother told the crowd his best-man anecdote. It ended in a couple of words: "To make her happy." It was Peter's (the enlightened groom) answer to why he wanted to marry Christy (the lovely bride). Yes, it's about loving and all those wonderful warm and fuzzies .... but it is truly about self-sacrifice, doing anything and everything for your betrothed.

Yes, I have learned and now I have shared =) Heh heh.
Labels: life, relationships
Comments: 0 +add yours

My big frackin' mouth

Date: 4/25/2007 11:17:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: I just irked a friend w/ an inappropriate comment. Her response was fairly direct: silence. Sometimes, I just gotta shut the hell up or think before spitting.

Yeah, even my focal review mentioned my big fat mouth which can be offensive, rude and condescending. I don't disrespect ppl, but I can say the most absolutely wrong thing. I do too much to ride the thin line between crude and obnoxious and sometimes, I just fail.

I have a great sense of empathy and friendliness and people enjoy those qualities; however, I think I become too comfortable and tend to nonchalantly say the wrong things. Maybe that's why I'm so single.

Okay, I need to learn more humility and tone down the brashness. Starting mission: now.
Labels: life, philosophy
Comments: 0 +add yours

Dangerously quiet.

Date: 4/01/2007 05:30:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Folks who talk to themselves don't frighten me as much as those who say what they're thinking. The latter is closer to crossing that line btwn "self" and reality. Self-control is the difference; just think about it a little.

I talk to myself often; 98.5% of time while staring at a little green and black terminal, explaining the use case and tracing my code. Abstraction and refactoring is also a big culprit.

I employ the other 1.5% to blogging, letting loose what I can't w/o scaring my friends =)

So, beware the kin that speak their unfiltered thoughts. It's the beginning to madness.
Labels: life, philosophy
Comments: 0 +add yours

I wanna be a cowboy. Again.

Date: 3/22/2007 01:14:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Last night, while lying in bed and waiting to fall asleep, I really wanted to get up and hit Denny's for some middle o' the night coffee to hack on my side project.

I'm older and life has become more structured: work 7 da .... err I mean 5 days a week, mortgage, morning commute, nightly commute, breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc. Everything has become the opposite of how I've lived life. I miss the spontaneity of youth. Yes, it's my life and I shouldn't complain 'bout it; however, I have more responsibilities to myself, my family and friends.

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

I think I gotta schedule (whatta oxymoron) more getaways to break the monotonous cycle, starting w/ a mini trip to Los Angeles in late April. It's a wedding thing. In the fall, I want to visit my brother and other friends in New York. Never been there either.
Labels: life
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Quit tinkering!

Date: 3/11/2007 10:43:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Once again, let's re-examine my baffling personal life. It always seems to be a "problem" that everyone needs to "fix."

No, I'm not damaged goods. I am eccentric, borderline weird, but I am at peace w/ myself. I know what I can do and where I fail and it doesn't bother me.

I haven't dated for years. I've focussed on bettering myself and taking care of my family and friends. I've always been like so, since college. I've been independent all my life and it's hard to break old patterns. Much like girls w/ low esteem (am generalizing) tend to jump from guy to guy, short-term or long-term, I can't change what seems natural.

I am comfortable. Currently, life isn't thrilling but extremely fascinating. I take care of me and mine and count my blessings.

From Michael Mann's Heat, the lead protagonist explains it best: "I am alone, but I am not lonely."

Stop trying to set me up, people! =)
Labels: life, philosophy, romance
Comments: 2 +add yours

Advice to Young Men from an Old Man

Date

3/02/2007 10:56:00 AM [permalink]

Author

yahooza

Entry

From the Best of Craigslist.org. There is so much good advice for guys who are growing or in doubt. Plenty for women to learn as well.
- http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/279126743.html

Don’t pick on the weak. It’s immoral. Don’t antagonize the strong without cause, its stupid.
Don't hate women. It’s a waste of time.
Invest in yourself. Material things come to those that have self actualized.
Get in a fistfight, even if you are going to lose.
As a former Marine, take it from me. Don’t join the military, unless you want to risk getting your balls blown off to secure other people’s economic or political interests.
If something has a direct benefit to an individual or a class of people, and a theoretical, abstract, or amorphous benefit to everybody else, realize that the proponent’s intentions are to benefit the former, not the latter, no matter what bullshit they try to feed you.
Don’t be a Republican. They are self-dealing crooks with no sense of honor or patriotism to their fellow citizens. If you must be a Republican, don’t be a “conservative.” They are whining, bitching, complaining, simple-minded self-righteous idiots who think they’re perpetual victims. Listen to talk radio for a while, you’ll see what I mean.
Don’t take proffered advice without a critical analysis. 90% of all advice is intended to benefit the proponent, not the recipient. Actually, the number is probably closer to 97%, but I don’t want to come off as cynical.
You’ll spend your entire life listening to people tell you how much you owe them. You don’t owe the vast majority of people shit.
Don’t undermine your fellow young men. Mentor the young men that come after you. Society recognizes that you have the potential to be the most power force in society. It scares them. Society does not find young men sympathetic. They are afraid of you, both individually and collectively. Law enforcement’s primary purpose is to suppress you.
As a young man, you’re on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women’s Study Departments, government, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is looking out for you.
Young men provide the genius and muscle by which our society thrives. Look at the Silicone Valley. By in large, it was not old men or women that created the revolution we live. Realize that society steals your contributions, secures it with our intellectual property laws, and then takes credit and the rewards where none is due.
Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother does. Your father probably does (if he stuck around). Your siblings are on your side. Everybody else worries about themselves.
Don’t be afraid to tell people to “Fuck off” when need be. It is an important skill to acquire. As they say, speak your piece, even if your voice shakes.
Acquire empathy, good interpersonal skills, and confidence. Learn to read body language and non-verbal communication. Don’t just concentrate on your vocational or technical skills, or you’ll find your wife fucking somebody else.
Keep fit.
Don’t speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. Back her up against the world, even if she’s wrong. She should know that you have her back. When she needs your help, give it. She should know that you’ll take her part.
Don’t cheat on your wife/girlfriend. If you must cheat, don’t humiliate her. Don’t risk having your transgressions come back to her or her friends. Don’t do it where you live. Don’t do it with people in your social circle. Don’t shit in your own back yard.
If your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That’s what girlfriends are for.

Don’t bother with “emotional affairs.” They are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That’s the part of a relationship they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time. If they are having an emotional affair with you, they’re probably fucking someone else.
Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else.
Have and nurture friendships with women.
Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You’re going to see some girl and feel like you’ll die if you don’t get her. If she rejects you, move on to the next one. It’s her loss.
Don’t be an internet troll. Go out and live life. There is not a cadre of beautiful women advertising on Craigslist to have NSA sex with you. Beautiful women don’t need to advertise. The websites that advertise with attractive women’s photos and claims of loneliness are baloney. All they want is your money and your personal information so that they can market to you. The posts on Craigslist by young “women” seeking NSA sex, and asking for a picture are just a bunch of gay troll pic collectors. This is especially true if the post uses common gay lexicon like “hole” as in “fuck my hole” or seeks “masculine” men, or uses the word cock (except in the context of “Don’t send a cock shot.”) There are women on Craigslist. They are easily recognizable by their 2-5 paragraph postings. Most are in their 30's or older.
When you become a man in full, know that people will get in your way. People who are attracted to you will somehow manage to step in your path. Gay guys will give you “the look.” Old people will somehow stumble in front of you at the worst time. Don’t get frustrated. Just step aside and go about your business. Know that these are passive aggressive methods to get you to acknowledge their existence.
Don’t gay bash. Don’t mentally or physically abuse people because of who they are, or how they present themselves. It’s none of your business to try to intimidate people into conformity.
If your gay, admit it to yourself, your parents, your friends and society at large. Be prepared to get harassed. See rule 14. If someone threatens you or assaults you, call the cops. Have them arrested. You have no obligation to self sacrifice because of who you are. As a gay person, you’ll have more social freedom than straight men. Use it to protect yourself. Be prepared to get out of Dodge if your orientation makes your life unbearable. Move to San Francisco, New York, Atlanta, or New Orleans. You’ll find a welcoming community there.
Don’t be a poser. Avoid being one of those dudes who puts a surfboard on top of their car, but never surfs, or a dude with a powder coated fixed gear bike and a messenger bag, but was never a messenger. Live the life. Earn your bona fides.
Don’t believe the crap about the patriarchy. More women are accepted and attend college. More degrees are awarded to women than men. Women outlive men. More men commit suicide. Men are twice as likely to be victims of violence, including murder. If you consider sexual assaults in prisons, twice as many men are raped as women (society thinks prison rape is funny). The streets are littered with homeless men, sprinkled with a few homeless women. Statically, women are happier than men. The myth that girls are being cheated by are educational system is belied by the fact that schools are bastions of femininity, mostly run by and taught by women. Girls outperform boys in school. It is the boys in school getting fucked over, and prescribed ritalin for being boys. Real wages for men are falling, while real wages for women are rising. Just because someone says something enough times, doesn’t make it true. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Remember, 97% of all advice is worthless. Take what you can use, and trash the rest.

vicioustwist

san francisco

02-15-07

Labels: life, philosophy

Comments

35 +add yours

TGIF

Date: 2/23/2007 08:34:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: Thank Golly It's Friday!

Well, not really. I'm still at work fixing bugs. Things are messed up and the engineers are "encouraged" to put in extra effort to get it done.

Funny story: A bunch of us were about to hit In n Out Burger for dinner. One of the Product folks then offered to buy dinner, because "if we went, we couldn't get any work done." I explained that we needed food and most importantly, a break.

*sigh* Such is the life of code monkeys.
Labels: bureaucracy, career, life
Comments: 0 +add yours

The Morningstar

Date: 2/20/2007 11:06:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: I finished 11 volumes of Mike Carey's Lucifer, a spin-off character from Neil Gaiman's Sandman.

The author does not portray Lucifer as purely evil, but rather an honest, scrupulous soul .... in a his own selfish and very manipulative way =) He doesn't lie or cheat to gain advantage and honors his promises. He may be a dick but he sure ain't an asshole. I do admire the character.

One of the most interesting subplots involves a character who obtains power to create her own universe, thus playing God, the Yahweh dance. Her minions worship her through sacrifice, waging wars on one another, committing mass suicides, etc. During the course of this universe's evolution (think fast forward storytelling), she intervenes multiple times to end the carnage and disorder. Between each of her interventions, mankind discovers and commits more absurd acts to her disgust. In the end, she is exhausted by her creation's lunacy.

Later, God asks her, "the hardest part of it all? .... Yes, to do nothing."

Hiroshima. The Holocaust. Genocide. All the big bads.

Has God given up on his creation? Maybe. And maybe mankind should realize that it's not a matter of his supreme-being-ness, but rather how bad we've fucked things up.

It is human nature to deflect fault at externalities, even God, than to admit to ourselves the truth. Err, or however that goes; much like booze, drugs, shopping and other addictions =)

....

Anyways, there's more to the comic. Take a read. The story is amazingly rich w/ bizaare creatures and freakish fantasy worlds. Thanks Mike Carey.
Labels: life, lucifer, mikecarey, morningstar, philosophy
Comments: 0 +add yours

Smokin' Aces

Date: 1/23/2007 10:28:00 PM [permalink]
Author: yahooza
Entry: I had a 'confrontation' w/ a product manager today. I reckon, just one of 'em days. I get really snappy at people who try to push my buttons. If someone asks politely, there is a 96-98% probability that I will oblige. Those who demand or bark orders don't receive a kindly response. And again, it falls back to my relationship w/ my father. Oh daddy, you were too proud and still are =)

The argument turned into one of those Parent-child dialogue. The product person shifted the argument, asking questions and making statements that I couldn't respond appropriately (lose-lose situation). I just left the building to take a timeout.

(Transactional Analysis is a fascinating theory on group dynamics and communication. I've only read "The Games People Play." If you have the time, read some. It'll open your eyes to overlooked aspects of human interaction.)

Overall, I'm burnt out. I'm tired of being just the 'implementer.' There is too much stress daily. Not from the Y! peanut butter fiasco, but rather the "need" to squeeze everything out of the engineers. Sprints overlap each another as QA and patch releases run into design or development from the next. Some of my peers work late nights and weekends to fix bugs or production issues because of the need to "go, go, go!" There's not a moment to breathe normally; it's fun and beats complacency, but not for several months straight.

I am building nothing cool. I am innovating none. Oh, the pleasures of being a corporate worker bee in a top-down organization; all because I need direction and nudging to work =)

Ha. At least I have my health.
Labels: career, life
Comments: 1 +add yours

Resolute

Date

1/01/2007 06:43:00 PM [permalink]

Author

yahooza

Entry

Another new year. 2006 had been a great year for me. My thirties have been delightful, a complete 180 from my twenties which totally sucked. Highlights for this past year:

Yahoo! Answers GA (general audience) release
Winning the Y! Superstar award (team award)
Y! Better Bookmarks Beta launch
Travels to Seattle and Chicago for Jean and Brenda's weddings respectively.
Knocking off over $10K off my principal
Holding up another year with my mother

And now, a list of to-do resolutions, ways of improving myself.

The perennial action items: exercise regularly and lose 7-10 pounds. Quit smoking, though I succeeded three times in '06 =)
Deemphasize the need to work and pursue less techie interests. Hopefully, I'll get back into the dating groove; it's been far too long.

This past year has been fruitful career-wise; however, I know I can't sustain last year's pace. For me, the ends won't justify the means anymore. I'm nearing my two year mark which usually means I've had enough time to ingest the politics and begin yearning for greener pastures. I'm gonna take it one quarter at a time. First thing is doing my best for my del.icio.us comrades.

More importantly, I need to get back to life: socializing, dating, hitting the 'round-the-corner dive for a pint of Guinness, etc. Less and less weekend hackin' and reading fewer tech books. There's a lot more interesting aspects of life that I've been putting aside. Time to set myself straight.

So, let the new year bring it! Ha. =P

Labels: life, resolutions, w