quotes: (good, bad, ugly)

When you play for the Wizards, [Gilbert Arenas] is like Michael Jackson. He's playin with a lot of Tito Jacksons. — Sir Charles

I think Spud (Webb) or Mugsy (Bogues) might be hiding inside (of Nate Robinson). I've never seen all three of them in the same place. — Sir Charles

I'm gonna go home and get naked again in the mirror cuz I don't look like Rerun or Al Roker. There's some deception going on. I'm not fat y'all! I'm big-boned — Sir Charles

Man, there's nothing in the world that makes me as nervous as seeing white people dance. — Sir Charles

He needs to learn the 2 words I tried to teach Oliver Miller....I'M FULL! — Sir Charles, on Shaq's early career eating habits

Dear Bill, Fuck You. Charles — Sir Charles, letter to Bill Laimbeer (1989)

These guys who have three or four babies by different women should have their balls cut off. — Sir Charles

Oh man! I can't stand the X-Files! I don't believe in Extra-Terrestrials... until I saw your girlfriend one night. She needs to phone home. — Sir Charles

Colonel Sanders is the greatest white man that ever lived. — Sir Charles

People say I eat a lot. I really don't. More or less I just eat all the time. — Sir Charles

I don't trust people that don't eat meat. Hey Kevin, you know what the difference between me and you is? When I die, I'll die because I was eating bad food. When you die, they'll say 'wooo that Kevin, he as dead as Charles — Sir Charles, on Kevin Eubanks being a vegetarian

Did you see Sam Cassell in The Lord of the Rings? — Sir Charles, interviewing Jermaine O'Neal

Poor black people are in great shape. Black people use duct tape for everything. You break a chair, use duct tape. Your pants rip, use duct tape. You tear your ACL, use duct tape! — Sir Charles

Today is Jimmy Hatter's birthday -- he's the gay guy we got workin' behind the scenes, y'all. We hire them all at TNT. We do not discriminate. We hired the pimp last year, Craig Sager, and now we got Jimmy Hatter. We got all the ethnic groups covered. — Sir Charles

There wil never be another player like me. I'm the ninth wonder of the world. — Sir Charles

I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl. Imagine if his name was Earl the rapper. — Sir Charles

Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while. — Sir Charles

So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work. — Peter Drucker

The perfect bureaucrat everywhere is the man who manages to make no decisions and escape all responsibility. — Brooks Atkinson

I'm thinking about taking that new chick from Logistics. If things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know: Oh! Oh! — Drew, Office Space

You don't live with me, you live among the remnants of dead people. You sift through the detritus, you read the terrain, you search for signs of passing, for the scent of your prey ... and then you hunt them down. That's the only thing you're committed to. The rest is the mess you leave as you pass through — Justine Hanna, Heat

It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything. — Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Alright, you primitive screwheads, listen up: THIS... is my BOOM STICK! — Ash, Army of Darkness

You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else — Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is a spiritual war. Our depression is our lives — Tyler Durden, Fight Club

We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient — Jayne Cobb, Firefly, Ariel

Look, we all go way back and uh, I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place and I'll never forget it. — Reuben, Ocean's Eleven

Ten oughta do it, don't you think? You think we need one more? You think we need one more. All right, we'll get one more. — Danny, Ocean's Eleven

28 days... six hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end. — Frank, Donnie Darko

What sick ridiculous puppets we are / and what gross little stage we dance on / What fun we have dancing and fucking / Not a care in the world / Not knowing that we are nothing / We are not what was intended. — John Doe, Se7en

Ernest Hemingway once wrote, "The world is a fine place and worth fighting for." I agree with the second part. — William Sommerset, Se7en

You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity — Bullet tooth Tony, Snatch

I can kill a man, dismember his body, and be home in time for Letterman. But knowing what to say when my girlfriend's feeling insecure...I'm totally lost. — Dexter

Killing must serve a purpose. Otherwise, it's just plain murder. — Dexter

Somehow it's reassuring knowing I'm not the only one pretending to be normal. , Dexter

There are no secrets in life, just hidden truths that lie beneath the surface. — Dexter

There's something strange and disarming about looking at a homicide scene in the daylight of Miami. It makes the most grotesque killings look staged, like you're in a new and daring section of Disney World: Dahmerland! — Dexter

Open your eyes or I'll staple your eyelids to your forehead. — Dexter

She's perfect, because in her own way, Rita is as damaged as me — Dexter

I'm more of a crying on the inside kinda guy. — Dexter

Another beautiful Miami day, mutilated corpses with a chance of afternoon showers. — Dexter

If the eyes are the windows to the soul, and grief is the door - as long as it's closed, it's the barrier between knowing and not knowing. Walk away from it and it stays closed forever. But open it and walk through it, and pain becomes truth. And now I'm faced with the struggle for my own survival that I always knew was coming. I've been preparing for this my entire life. — Dexter

To know what it's like. To feel something, that deeply. Anything. That's why you hang out in recovery groups. You're emotionally colorblind. You use the right words, you pantomime the right behavior. But the feelings never come to pass .... You know the dictionary definition of emotions. Longing, joy, sorrow. But you have no idea what any of those things actually feel like. — Dexter

All those times he called me lab geek, fairywinkle, donkey fluffer. I'm just glad I took it lying down, you know? — Masuoka, Dexter

I've lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. — Dexter

Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people — Kant

Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious — Kant

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves — Kant

Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life. — Kant

We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered. — Tom Stoppard

True friends stab you in the front. — Oscar Wilde

He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead."

One death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic. — Joseph Stalin

No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself. — Thomas Mann

Live one day at a time emphasizing ethics rather than rules — Wayne Dyer

The more things change, the more they remain... insane. — Michael Fry and T. Lewis

I'm telling you, things are getting out of hand. Or maybe I'm discovering that things were never in my hands. — Real Live Preacher

If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it. — Brendan Francis

I am not afraid of the pen, or the scaffold, or the sword. I will tell the truth wherever I please. — Mother Jones

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. — Alvin Toffler

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. — Laurence J. Peter

We seem to have a compulsion these days to bury time capsules in order to give those people living in the next century or so some idea of what we are like. I have prepared one of my own. I have placed some rather large samples of dynamite, gunpowder, and nitroglycerin. My time capsule is set to go off in the year 3000. It will show them what we are really like. — Alfred Hitchcock

The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty. — Eugene McCarthy

The speed of the boss is the speed of the team. — Lee Iacocca

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies. — Adrienne E. Gusoff

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done." — George Carlin

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. — Carl Sagun

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. — Leo Tolstoy

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. — Mignon McLaughlin

Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom — Soren Kierkegaard

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth. — Umberto Eco

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them — George Bernard Shaw

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us. — Hermann Hesse

It's not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed. — Chuck Palahniuk

Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. — Peter Drucker

I loathe the expression "What makes him tick." It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm. — James Thurber

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. — Kurt Vonnegut

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. — Evan Esar

I loathe the expression "What makes him tick." It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm. — James Thurber

And the dish ran away with the spoon. But Hawaii was the only state that would recognize the marriage as legal. — Jane, Daria

Easy! Massage the scalp. You're washing a baby's hair, not scrubbing vomit off your Christmas dress, you holiday drunk. — Stewie, Family Guy

You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence... gotta get me some of that. — Stewie, Family Guy

The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader, you've seen Star Wars forty-seven times. You do the math. — Neal, Freaks and Geeks

There are no holidays in the fight against evil. — Max, Get Smart

We're all unhappy. That's the thing about life. — Lindsay, Freaks and Geeks

For the next five minutes, I'm going to party like it's on sale for 19.99! — Abu, the Simpsons

Homer no function beer well without. — Homer, the Simpsons

Vulgarity is not a sin against God, but against polite society. Between you and me, I don't give a shit about polite society. — Justin Crowe, Carnivale

Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders, binders, EVERYTHING into a box! If you find a used condom, an executioner's mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don't think, just pack that bitch! Chop suey! — Ari Gold, Entourage

You know what they feed people on an indi set, Vinne? Nothing! They don't give you a trailer. They tell you to go sit on an apple box. Ever tried to bang an extra on an apple box? — Ari Gold, Entourage

I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli. — Tick, the Tick

Let your journey into hugeness teach us all a lesson. Absolute power is a sticky wicket. And, Arthur, chum, you were the stickiest. Don't you get it, good friend? Some of the best things come in small packages. But large things can't! Unless they're inflatable, or require some assembly, or unless they're hearts. Yes, giant, juicy, loving hearts! As big as the moon, but much, much warmer! — Tick, the Tick

And so, may Evil beware and may Good dress warmly and eat lots of fresh vegetables. — Tick, the Tick

You're not going crazy! You're going sane in a crazy world! — Tick, the Tick

Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? "Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea?"

If you ever decide to go, I want a warning. You know, big flashing red lights, and-and-and one of those clocks that counts down like a bomb in a movie? And there's a whole bunch of, of colored wires, and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess the green one, and then at the last second'No! The red one!'and then click, it stops with three-tenths of a second left, but then you don't leave. (pause) Like that, okay?

Oh, no... I have to go take an English make-up exam. They give you credit just for speaking it, right?

Cool! Crossbow! Check out these babies. Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality.

I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it.