Don't wait to love. You never know when it's too late.

My estranged father, who left the family 30 years ago to move back to Thailand, leaving his wife and sons in America, is literally holding on his last breath as he is battling terminal illness.

He asked if I would visit him in Chiang Mai since I had just moved to Bangkok. I declined, because there is nothing I could give him.

Promptly, he wanted to ensure that I would not receive any of his inheritance. With my younger brother as a proxy, he asked me to sign a legal document to give up any claim to his assets. Initially, I agreed, because whatever.

Before I go further, there’s some context to be told:

Years ago, I knew his day would come and this end-of-life journey along with the inheritance drama. I explicitly told my father and brother that I would forgo any assets (amongst there’s a plot of land in Florida with my name), so I would not feel an obligation or guilt over this situation. Frankly, when I heard his terminal state, I paused and had a moment that my father is dying, but as a human being, I did not feel any love or sadness, only realizing an indifference.

After a few days of pondering and asking friends, I realized the bullshit of it all. I would give my time and energy to sign and mail the document to legally disinherit me for the sake of this petty human being. It’s not for me, it’s for him. And, that’s when I decided to not play the game.

Also, I knew that a proper will and testament would be enough to ensure that his assets are given to the correct people.

If you want to be loved, you must give love to others yourself. And that is why there isn’t a day that I hold a moment to remember and grieve over my late mother.

So it goes.